I remember a time not too long ago, when at the close of 2014, I had immensely ambitious goals of what I would like to conquer in the next year. At the time it was all about health and fitness. How I could really take my strength, speed, and admittedly vanity to the next level.
Then BAM. Not a few days into January a mundane event caused a sudden panic attack and my world went spiraling.
Battling anxiety and a sudden onset of depression I was dumbfounded as to why I was even feeling this way. After going to the doctor in tears I found out a few weeks later my adrenals were shot and my immune function was low. Thus began the journey of healing my whole self…emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
Fast forward to the close of 2016 and I can’t help but chuckle. A LOT. You see, back in December I went for one of those long walks with a dear friend of mine. I don’t get to see him often but when we do, we love going on long walks and laughing hysterically as we share the latest on what our mental chatter has been telling us lately 😉
So why was I chuckling? During the walk we were talking about beginning “new chapters” in our lives. You see, earlier in 2016 I was so sure that I would be in San Francisco until at least March of 2017, and from there I would take a few months off to travel the world, perhaps spend some time in the motherland (S. Korea), and then move to another city. Tone sound familiar? Perhaps like the previously mentioned immensely ambitious goals?
I had this plan in place and was so sure it was going to play out beautifully in the timing I had set. I even told my closest friends, “this is the plan!” ever so cheerfully and adamantly.
And now? Well, let’s just say the plans have been altered. After taking much needed time off during the holidays suddenly I wasn’t sure about “the plan”. And I was completely ok with not knowing.
Actually, not knowing allowed me to relax. Take it easy. Give it up to God. Surrender and put my hands up saying, “God I don’t know what I should do anymore. I’m leaving it up to you.”
All that said, I never saw this coming (again). I guess the beauty is no one ever does!
I am constantly reminding myself that the best things happen when we “let it go, let it go”. When we relax back into the moment and not have a desired outcome or even resistance to a less than desired outcome.
In an earlier post I talked about letting go of expectations and the form in which you think it will appear. Well, I am practicing this very act at the moment. Letting go of any and all preconceived notion of what I had hoped for and instead, letting it go to see what unfolds. And usually what unfolds is greater than what we could have ever imagined.
You see, I’ve come to realize no matter how hard you try to put all these plans in place sometimes…just sometimes, God may have other plans for you. He may post-pone, fast forward, or just say no – and that’s OK. I heard this beautiful quote and it’s stuck with me ever since:
Whenever you make a request to God just know the answer is always Yes, Wait, or No I love you too much
I may have butchered that but you get the gist.
Here’s to letting go… completely.